well life so far has been crazy as usual. I lost my job in the summer from basically hanging out with Lithuanians, yeah i know crazy but what can ya do! such as my life. but i did get to enjoy my summer witch was nice but no dough coming in so now i am just trying to find a job and i am really getting frustrated cause it's hard times right now and i can't believe just all that has happened these past months and gosh me and my husband want to leave Chicago gosh just give me Florida or California blah but living in Naperville kinda drives me nuts i miss my friends and just the busy city life cause that's in my blood i don't even know what to do i just hope something works out.

~*Maureen*~

you know I've been thinking lately when i go on face book and everything i see all my friends and they have all there friends taking pictures and having a good time and i rarely have people with me in my pictures it makes me really sad. like nobody wants to be in pictures with me gosh i feel like a loner,well it's the people i know that are just really strange and i don't know that many good people and like the people that i do know they don't like talking to me, i just have a hard time relating to people i guess and i wish some people would get the hint that it's time to move on (JOE) yeah like D needs to be dropped and that whole group because they want to go nowhere in life just life is one big party and getting fucked up on a daily bases gosh what a waste of time i need to get the fuck out a doge cause it sure is doing nothing for me and i just want life guarding to happen and save money and buy me some nice things, i got a save up for a stupid car it's becoming ridiculous or dad needs to car pull for a week i want a go to Everest college and get certified in being a medical assistance get paid @ 18 bucks an hour do that for about 2 years in Chicago then maybe go to Florida or go to California that would be the shit and life goes on or go on and get dentist certified too and have that as a day job and by night a medical assistance i need to get going on something and do whatever cause i am tired of feeling like i am going nowhere but i may still need to get my associates in the end but I'm not staying @ wright I'll go somewhere ealse i can't think of anyother community college well ima get going i'm tired of ranting and raveing about shit i just need to get into gear and live

~*Maureen*~

wow i am totally out of it yesterday got me thinking about a lot of shit like d and people like him they only like the persons body not them cause i know i can be very quite im way too nice im not very confadnet in my self and that can be turn off and i'm just so unsure of everything i put my guard up to everything but the bad man i need to get out of Chicago these people are fucking my head up all there is, is fucked up people who want to get high i mean that Vicky girl seems nice but she and Michelle are going to be friends and it's a wrap i don't want to deal with that crap i think i stick to guys is because they have more sense then the girls i know it's fucked up i mean i like D and all i think he's a nice person and all but i don't know he says that he could marry me and this and that but then again he has kids already what the fuck and his baby mama and him seem to be pretty tight and if bobby didn't get in the way then i think it would be a whole other ballgame i mean how are you going to have two kids and not feel something towards that other person unless they didn't expect that but i mean how can you not i mean i was so scared when i got pregnant and not cause i was with Joe at the time but i was just scared like how could this happen to me i just can't have this kid i'm still very young but then again they had to be like 17 and she was 18 what the fuck that is really fucked up and i think i already knew that when i was 16 n shit wow i mean i'm not expecting nothing outa D but i do like him for some crazy reason like when i first meat him i was dropped off on park side and Belmont and i have no idea we hit it off but i know he was on some fucking shit i mean what boy is and then they get to know you later and you could never have a good relationship i mean maybe maybe not gosh why must shit be so complicated and i know thats not how life goes but you just can't air somebody's dirty laundry out like that and were not even serious yeah we've known each other for 4 years never really been too mad at each other always know where to find each other at it's just pure craziness and like i don't want to ask him all these questions and then be like i can't be with you cause of your kids this and all that mess i don't know maybe i will have to find out on my own to fit the pieces together i mean when we where going out it was really weird wow wow wow wow wow wow just too much to ponder about but it's good at the same time but i'm going to go get a red eye and chill out for two more hours

LATA

well today has been pretty good just been really stressed out about my photography class and getting ready for my lifeguard test i mean once i look back on this all i just worried my self for nothing but it just really sucks training for it and i just am not liking my school secdual and i rather be in a normal college then a stupid community college i sometimes need to take a break from Chicago I've been here my whole life and just nothing ever changes my friends, school, area, just the people i mean wow just too much going on i just need the world to stop for 30 minuets then it can do what it wants i just need to get out of Chicago i mean don't get me wrong i love my hometown it's just time to move on and see something eals for a change and live the actual college life live in a dorm and be surrounded by people that will talk to one another rather then everyone weirding out if you talk to them it's so stupid!!!!!!!!!! i wanted to go to Illinois college in Jacksonville Illinois i liked the campus and the atmosphere just felt like home but NO my teacher never helped us with anything and also i didn't take it as serious but school in general is a joke just to be graded on memorization and not skill what a bunch of bull dam i am so hungry i just want to go home and chill on the couch and relax with my dog aug at least science is not that bad i actually like that class well I am going to go somewhere

~*LATA*~